Friday, November 9, 2007

David's iPod Poem

I decided to write a poem about my lovely iPod. However, everyone should remember, I am not the speaker of this poem. My iPod was 100% worth it.
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10 comments:

ENG3U Student said...

OMGGG DAVIDD , BTW this is Melanie<3
i really liked your concrete poetry...you should consider using it in your anthology. I love the concrete image when you descibe the turning buttons, despite the amazingness, you can make it fabulous if the other part in the middle perhaps had more detail about the ipod...you could talk of its relativity to you=)that was my opinion but seriously YOU'RE GREATT

November 9, 2007 at 8:58 PM
ENG3U Student said...

hey this is cathy! i loved this poem and thought it was very creative. i had a little trouble understanding the words forming the body of the ipod, sort of around the turning wheel. perhaps there's a way to make it more clear? or maybe i'm just really slow... nevertheless, i loved it and hope you're putting it in your anthology! :D

November 10, 2007 at 9:30 PM
ENG3U Student said...

Nice work, David. It's so easily identified as an iPod that you don't even have to think about the shape for a minute. You repeated "rest" at the end of the 14th line and the beginning of the 15th, though.
- Amal

November 10, 2007 at 10:49 PM
ENG3U Student said...

The shape of the poem is really obvious, and it's really creative for you to depict the iPod shape so accurately. I love the fact that you are using another "voice" in your poem instead of your own. It's really good.

-Angelina

November 11, 2007 at 9:42 AM
ENG3U Student said...

David,

You should heed all of your classmates advice about this piece. Other than the things they mentioned this is a flawless example of concrete poetry! I was shocked before I even read it. Well done!

Regards,
Mr. G

November 11, 2007 at 1:33 PM
ENG3U Student said...

I made a better one
its on http://i13.tinypic.com/6pi126d.jpg
and i will try to update it

- David Jeong

November 11, 2007 at 2:14 PM
ENG3U Student said...

speechless

~~~Bagavathy :D

November 11, 2007 at 2:44 PM
ENG3U Student said...

never mind what i said about having difficulties reading the body part. i don't know if i was just hullucinating or am i now reading your edited version, but it's offically perfect now. i love this poem
-cathy

November 11, 2007 at 3:42 PM
ENG3U Student said...

I really liked how you decided to write a poem to display a contemporary trend. The shape you used is visually engaging and meaningful. However, I think that your descriptive language is a little bit plain. Maybe adding more adjectives and poetic devices might help better portray the feeling and set the mood for your poem.

Sarah Y

November 12, 2007 at 2:19 PM
ENG3U Student said...

Wow, David! That must have taken a while to format. I agree with Sarah that there are some phrases which could have been a bit more detailed. Your poem is really visually appealing though(when I saw the words "bought it", I didn't realize right away that it was a cord; it's not your fault, though)!

~~~

~Caitlin~

P.S. Out of all the iPod models, it looks like the iPod video.

November 12, 2007 at 5:47 PM

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