hey everyone! i'm not sure whether or not i should put this in my anthology. i'm hoping you guys will give me some brutaly honest constructive criticism! all comments are appreciated!
Deep within the mound,
Passion lies under pressure.
It waits to erupt.
can anyone get the metaphor? the magma in the volcano represents the feelings you keep bottled up and hidden inside of you, but yet you want to express. i'm not sure if i should rename this poem and have the title represent the vehicle (the metaphor, or hiden meaning), or leave the title as the tenor (the literal meaning-a volcano)
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5 comments:
Great haiku, Cathy! The deeper meaning is definitely one I can relate to. As for the title, I like it as Volcano, because it is simple and leaves the reader to figure out what you're getting at by themselves. This poem would be a nice addition to your anthology, IMO.
- Amal
The title is great, definitely leave it as it is, because you don't want to give too much away in the article. Keep it simple and let the reader figure it out by themselves. It's great, so I say definitely include it in your anthology. It would, as Amal put it, be "a nice addition".
-Angelina
Sorry, did I write article? I meant title...sorry...
-Angelina
Cathy,
Has this changed at all since I read it last? The final line sounds different? Or am I just crazy?
-Mr. G
sorry to break it to you mr.g but i think you're just crazy :P
no, it hasn't changed, although i did think about changing the last line to "waiting to erupt". but then i wanted to keep the last line broken up from the previous lines.
-cathy
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