Sunday, November 11, 2007

Abandoned

Here is another poem I wrote. Please spam the comment section with ANYTHING.


Abandoned

You seem to always capture me,
In a state of emptiness,
And then you fill me with joy.

You seem to always be there for me,
When I am weak,
and then you make strong again.

You seem to always stand beside me,
When I stand alone,
Against the world.

But now that you are gone,

I am sucked into the void in myself,
Shattering with weakness,
Crumbling under the weight of the world.

Abandoned



-Jack Gao

2 comments:

ENG3U Student said...

Hey Jack! I really like how you went back to "Abandoned" at the end of your poem. You may want to consider adding some adjectives.
- Amal

ENG3U Student said...

Jack, I think this poem's kind of clichéd...

Instead of laying it all out like that, it might be better if you use more metaphors and similes to give your poem more "emotional depth".

-Grace