Imad posts a sonnet by John Barlas:
Phantom of the Mind
As the faint ghost of a forgotten strain
Haunts the deserted chambers of the mind:
A restless presence, dreamlike, undefined;
A spirit, the hands of death grasp all in vain,
Elusive of the embrace that would detain
Its phantom flight, formless and swift as wind,
Down thought's long echoing corridors, though behind
Some lingering sense of it may still remain.
Such is the past of lovers: dear delight,
Sweet lips that kissed sweet eyes that cried for me--
Follow not their strides and phantom flight
Through all the winding labyrinths of the night!
The noiseless doors close on them as they flee
Out of the dream and into the waking light
6 comments:
Wowww...heyy imadd omg ur in my class:|:| I NEVA NEW THAT BUH NOW ILL KNOW YOU AS THE KID WHO WRITES AMAZING...i reallly liked the modification you made to Phantom of the Operah to Phantom of the mind...there was great imagery u shud consider using it in your anthology... OMGG u noe faw da beginin...it might be better without the punctyation cuz as i kept reading it i felt like going on and on so you can do that cool smexii thang where theres no puncutation and you want to keep going and going yee iluv da imagery like i picutre dis dark scary rooms but its amazing the way all along you were talking about the mind...that makes me wonder are you talking bout your mind because DONT BE SAD BE GLADD=) GREATTTTTT JOBBB SHEEMAD
omg imad
nice job...!
this is an awesome sonnet
i am trying to find something constructive to say about it.. but i cant find anything
yet again
nice job imad
- David Jeong
hey imad! i love the theme of this poem. you used some great imagery. however, due to my experience of studying sonnets last year, i was subconciously very picky :S
some of your lines don't follow iambic pentameter, and occasionaly the 10 syllable count would be off.
but nonetheless it's a great petrarchan sonnet, and i hope you'll submit if for the anthology after some modifications!
-cathy
I enjoyed reading your sonnet, Imad. The imagery was so powerful. The line "Down thought's long echoing corridors", for example, really put an image into my head. Like Cathy already mentioned, you strayed from the ten syllable rule a bit with these lines: "A spirit, the hands of death grasp all in vain, (11) / Elusive of the embrace that would detain... (11)/Down thought's long echoing corridors, though behind... (12)/ Follow not their strides and phantom flight...(9)/ Out of the dream and into the waking light(11)" In the first line, you could remove "all". For the last line, you get rid of the extra syllable by replacing "and" it with a comma. Just some suggestions. You were never more than two syllables off, so it wasn't distracting.
I think it's really admirable that your sonnet didn't lose coherence, even with all those rules you had to follow. I always have trouble with sonnets because of how little freedom the writer is given, but you make it look easy. :)
-Amal
Imad,
John Barlas, the famous nineteenth century poet and socialist activist wrote this sonnet as part of his sequence entitled "Love Sonnets" in 1889.
I believe you owe David, Cathy and Amal an apology.
Please edit this post to reflect the actual author as soon as possible.
Disappointingly,
Mr. G
I apologize to everyone. I guess I panicked because I heard we hand to submit a poem in on Thursday. Anyway, now that I had an entire weekend to write a poem, I'll be posting it.
-Imad
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